m x 10

My favourite mirror is at work. To save the environment my employer reduced the lights.  There were other modifications too, many.  Remove that comma – too many.

Low flush toilets … don’t get me started.

But back to me. This special mirror, which used to be just like every other mirror, is now not so bright; downright shady. I like it.

Without my glasses I can hardly see myself.  And what I do see, wow, I look incredible. Never better.  I make a point of using that washroom.

One day not long ago I ordered a travel mirror:  the Lumi, in Rose Gold. The Lumi has a magnification x 10, or if I was a scientist, m x 10.

What does m x 10 = ?   It equals Holy S __ __ __ !

I have a MOUSTACHE ? !

“Hello, Evelyn?  When can you see me?  No, no.  It isn’t growing back.  Now I have a bigger problem.  When can I come in?  Fantastic!  See you soon.”

I need a facial.

What was that plastic surgeon’s name Cathy told me about?

I wonder how long it will take to get in for lasers.

“Hello, is this the Facial Rejuvination Centre?  Ok, good. I need an appointment.  That’s too long.  Put me on your wait list.  I need fillers.  Fast.”

Lovely locks, Lovelylocks, oh, there it is.  Email, email address : LoveYourLocks@…    “Dear Reception, please book me in for a touch up. What is available?  Can I come tomorrow?  I could make later today.  Are you open late?  Please get back as soon as you read this.”

Where’s the Grey Goose …

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martinis, the dirty kind

The Marina Del Rey Cheesecake Factory is entirely to blame for my current addiction. It was there on a dark and stormy night* last December where I first experienced the exquisite martini with blue cheese stuffed olives.

Never had I expected to consider any other martini but the classic:  Gin or vodka and vermouth, several pristine olives, preferably green queens, marinating in the crystal liquid.

Dirty martinis were an aberration, muddying what nature intended as sparkling and pure. The riff raft who ordered them were the very same vulgarians who call anything added to vodka in a stem glass a martini – lemon drop “martinis”, espresso “martinis”, for the tea lovers Earl Grey “martinis.”

After the 2-hour wait to deboard at LAX, navigating the chaotic terminal, something changed.

There it was.  Through the murky interior, 3 large green olives nestled inside the frosted glass. And I knew I had been waiting all my life for this deliciously sublime experience.

* Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford

pop out those pimentos or treat yourself to pitted olives from the deli bar


shaken not stirred


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