English Bay on the longest day
Vancouver, BC
Eileen Campbell
m x 10
January 7, 2020 — 49thandpacificMy favourite mirror is at work. To save the environment my employer reduced the lights. There were other modifications too, many. Remove that comma – too many.
Low flush toilets … don’t get me started.
But back to me. This special mirror, which used to be just like every other mirror, is now not so bright; downright shady. I like it.
Without my glasses I can hardly see myself. And what I do see, wow, I look incredible. Never better. I make a point of using that washroom.
One day not long ago I ordered a travel mirror: the Lumi, in Rose Gold. The Lumi has a magnification x 10, or if I was a scientist, m x 10.
What does m x 10 = ? It equals Holy S __ __ __ !
I have a MOUSTACHE ? !
“Hello, Evelyn? When can you see me? No, no. It isn’t growing back. Now I have a bigger problem. When can I come in? Fantastic! See you soon.”
I need a facial.
What was that plastic surgeon’s name Cathy told me about?
I wonder how long it will take to get in for lasers.
“Hello, is this the Facial Rejuvination Centre? Ok, good. I need an appointment. That’s too long. Put me on your wait list. I need fillers. Fast.”
Lovely locks, Lovelylocks, oh, there it is. Email, email address : LoveYourLocks@… “Dear Reception, please book me in for a touch up. What is available? Can I come tomorrow? I could make later today. Are you open late? Please get back as soon as you read this.”
Where’s the Grey Goose …
Quotes
November 27, 2019 — 49thandpacific“Ok, everyone who is not a woman stop talking.” -Mika Brezensky, October 30, 2018, Morning Joe
“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.” -Lao Tzu
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” -George Carlin
“I like to hold the ball. I feel like that really disrupts the base runners.” -Max Scherzer pitching for the Detroit Tigers
“Going to the pet store drunk is like going to the grocery store hungry. Blah, blah, blah I own an iguana now.” -TinySparks at Mr. Jeremy Horn, Twitter
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” -Oscar Wilde
“And speaking of cartoon characters with apparent drug problems, how come Donald Duck has been going around for 50 years wearing a shirt but no pants?” -Dave Barry Talks Back
“A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” -Emo Phillips
“Don’t worry about making waves simply by being yourself. The moon does it all the time.” -Scott Stabile / Twitter @DrKellyCampbell
“Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.” -Gustave Flaubert
“Life is full of obstacle illusions.” -Grant Frazier
The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” -Robert Fulghum
“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” -Maureen Dowd
“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” -Arthur Rubinstein
“Tweeting this from the White House. The Obamas look so peaceful sleeping.” -Conan O’Brien
“A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.” -Wayne Gretzky
“What is this compulsion to have people over to your house and serve them food and talk to them?” -Larry David
“Two men look out through the same bars. One sees the mud and one the stars.” -Frederick Langbridge
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.” -Albert Einstein
“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.” -D.H.Lawrence
“If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don’t hoard it. Don’t dole it out like a miser. Spent it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke.” -Brendan Francis
“Don’t forgive, never forget, and do unto others before they do unto you.” -J.R.Ewing, Dallas
“Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” -Ethel Barrett”
“A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers.” -proverb
“Voters may vote after the deadline, provided that they were in line when the clock struck seven.” -Jason Linkins, “Long Lines in Virginia” Huffington Post, November 6, 2012
“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Most of you are going to hell.” -God @TheTweetof God, Twitter
“You can’t think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block.” -John Rogers
“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” -Steven Wright
“There’s math, and then everything else is debatable.” -Chris Rock to Jerry Seinfeld, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
“You know you’re beginning to fascinate me, and I resent that in any man.” -Aunt Hortense, The Gay Divorcee
“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.” -T.S.Eliot
“To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational.” -Stephen Hawking, El Pais, September 25, 2015
“The underlying message of all his direction is: You are enough. I don’t need more than you. I don’t need less than you. You’re enough.” -David Hyde Pierce about Mike Nichols, Vanity Fair, October 2015
“The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.” -Jean Kerr
“There’ll be two dates on your tombstone
And all your friends will read ’em
But all that’s gonna matter is that little dash between ’em” -Kevin Welch
“As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind; every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.” -John Glenn
“I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.” -Arthur C. Clarke
“Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women like to be a man’s last romance.” -Oscar Wilde
“A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.” -John B. Priestly
“If I’d asked my customers what they wanted, they’d have said a faster horse.” -Henry Ford
“The best that most of us can hope to achieve in physics is simply to misunderstand at a deeper level.” -Wolfgang Pauli
“Is the brain the producer or reducer of consciousness?” -Whitley Strieber, Jeffrey J. Kripal Super Natural
“Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn’t, they’d be married too.” -H.L.Mencken
“I started a new dating website. It’s called ‘Go Outside'” -Keenan Thompson, Saturday Night Live
“Don’t be afraid.” -Donald Trump, 60 Minutes, November 13, 2016
“Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” -Ambrose Bierce
“Give me my pipe and slippers and a beautiful woman, and you can have my pipe and slippers.” -Niki Charles, Song of the Thin Man
“It’s our job to investigate the un-explained, not to explain the un-investigated.” -George Knapp, KLAS TV Las Vegas / Radio host Coast to Coast a.m
“Being the best is great. You’re the number one. Being unique is greater, you’re the only one.” -Anonymous
“A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.” -Unknown
“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” -Naguib Mahfouz
“We’ll always have Paris.” -Nick (Humphrey Bogart) to Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman), Casablanca
“Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?” -Greta Garbo
“If you want a happy ending, that depends of course on where you stop your story.” -Orson Welles
Aspen, Colorado
September 8, 2019 — 49thandpacificAspen is a beautiful place. And likely you are thinking of skiing and snow. But in August the snow is a memory and the sun is hot.
There’s a hot like August in Acapulco – steamy. There’s a hot like August in Vegas – baking and dense.
It isn’t the temperature so much as the feel.
The hot in Aspen is a standing in front of an inferno hot. The hot of a scorching conflagration.
Just you and your very close friend, The Sun.
Elevation: 8,000 ft.
The air is thin. The cocoon around you in Vancouver stayed behind as you flew off for the heights of Colorado. I wondered what it would be like to get Colorado high, but most of my processing software also didn’t make the journey. It seemed ill advised to exacerbate this light headed situation by smoking up in the park before trekking to my building through the hills and valleys, mostly hills. Then the worst part: 3 flights of stairs.
No one spoke with that person coming through the door until they sat in The Chair for a while. There was a lot of recovery happening in that chair.
Still, it would have come to pass if someone had told me ahead of time the herbal pharmacy required passport I.D.
What to do in Aspen?
There is a bookstore in a house. Yes, a bookstore in a house! It has a sofa. And lamps. Upstairs is a restaurant, Pyramid Bistro, serving coffee and peach cobbler with ice cream. Explore Booksellers, 221 East Main Street.
I’m craving the green curry at the Bangkok Happy Bowl Thai Bistro in the mall on North Mill Street where the very expensive Clark’s grocery store is, and the all important liquor store.
You can go up Aspen Mountain in a gondola to 11,000 ft. And that my friend is pretty darn high.
Off in the distance are some of the highest mountains in the Rockies.
Before going back down, best to stop at the bar for a drink, a strong drink. Because you remember the terror as strong winds tossed your little gondola around like a balsa wood hand glider on the way up.
There is the Aspen Gallery, where it is said an officer of the store threw a customer out for saying he was an artist.
Intrigued, I made a visit.
Lovely art.
After 10 minutes the man on duty was getting a little testy. I hastily took my leave.
The drive to the ghost town at Independence Pass takes less than an hour. The buildings there have mostly disappeared. Did they sink into the ground?
It’s windy. It’s hot like Lucifer’s Halloween bonfire.
Why is there no working outhouse in the ghost town at Independence Pass? How many $5 bills does the donation box need to take the padlock off the door of one of those little outhouses and make my day?
Aspen has a community center with an alleged pool. When is it open though?
Do you like bears? I hope so. There are deer also.
And there is the Aspen Center for Physics.
It’s in there.
Public lectures are held Thursday evenings. The final talk of the season, Turning Stars into Gold: The Discovery of the First Kilonova by Iair Arcav, reset the bar. They saved the best for last.
On the walk to the Aspen Center for Physics there are elegant old houses, preserved, injected with Restalin, Forever Young lotion slathered into their aging wooden siding.
Among them, the home of the late physicist, Murray Gell-Mann.
I’ve heard he didn’t get along very well with one of my favourites,
Richard Feynman: “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.”
“All things come to those who wait”
March 12, 2019 — 49thandpacificAll hoped-for things will come to you
Who have the strength to watch and wait,
Our longings spur the steeds to Fate,
This has been said by one who knew.
‘Ah, all things come to those who wait,’
(I say these words to make me glad),
But something answers soft and sad,
‘They come, but often come too late.’
by Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie “Violet Fane”
Tout vient a qui sait attendre
Dear Reader
February 10, 2019 — 49thandpacificHow are you holding up? So many countries, you are always on the go. Do you like flying? I hope so.
When you aren’t in the U.K. or Brazil, Italy, France and all those other places, you come to Canada. Do you like it the best?
I’ll pour some wine.
That solar vortex they’ve been talking about, it’s hit Vancouver. It is very beautiful but cold. Whistler cold. Antarctica cold. Ok, not that cold.
The wine is good. Prophecy Pinot Noir California
Have you ever been to California? It’s wonderful! I feel like a million the moment I step off that plane…It’s winter here, it’s dark, people are coughing.
The drive to the airport…
A lot of drugs and alcohol later, a balmy breeze ruffles my freshly coiffed hair, gently dispersing the Chanel Chance green I bought at the duty free. Flowering cacti blanket the sandy hills. But I digress …
I’ve been meaning to express my appreciation. You’ve been with me for 10 years. Thank you!
Every now and then I look for where you are, and wonder what you’re doing there. What are you doing there? Really?
I’m going to California soon. The sun will be setting. The air will be sweet.
You were in Egypt yesterday. Is the terrain similar? Have you been to the pyramids? Does the desert bloom?
So many questions. I’m more of a listener.
Dear Reader, enjoy your travels. Stay in touch.
Address to a Haggis by Robert Burns
January 25, 2019 — 49thandpacific| In Scottish
Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, The groaning trencher there ye fill, His knife see rustic Labour dight, Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive: Is there that owre his French ragout, Poor devil! see him owre his trash, But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed, Ye Pow’rs, wha mak mankind your care, |
English translation
Your pin would help to mend a mill His knife see rustic Labour wipe, Then spoon for spoon, the stretch and strive: Is there that over his French ragout, Poor devil! see him over his trash, But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed, You powers, who make mankind your care, |
She said
February 14, 2018 — 49thandpacificShe said: You seemed a little tentative last time I brought trifle.
20 minutes after dinner, while she’s freshening up,
then midnight to 2 should finish it.
She said: But I know you like custard
… still a few hours tomorrow morning before the noon deadline …
She said: So I made it myself
Bernie’s away. I’ll have to chair the directors’ meeting.
She looks very pleased with herself.
Check the agenda.
She said: I did keep the jello. I know you like raspberries!
Ok…, distracted now by the open wine …
Good, as long as no one wants to add Other Business …
She said: Mmmm
She’s smelling it.
I probably won’t need the time anyway, but it’ll take the pressure off.
She’s pouring us glasses.
Those grey sheer curtains aren’t working. That was their mistake. I know I ordered …
She said: Cheers!
“Cheers!”
clink
I’ll be in the Review at least until 2, last time it was after 3,
…what is the topic?
She is pretty,
warm eyes.
She said: Earth to Asteroid 8240, come in…
She seems so happy to see me.
I love her laugh.
