m x 10

My favourite mirror is at work. To save the environment my employer reduced the lights.  There were other modifications too, many.  Remove that comma – too many.

Low flush toilets … don’t get me started.

But back to me. This special mirror, which used to be just like every other mirror, is now not so bright; downright shady. I like it.

Without my glasses I can hardly see myself.  And what I do see, wow, I look incredible. Never better.  I make a point of using that washroom.

One day not long ago I ordered a travel mirror:  the Lumi, in Rose Gold. The Lumi has a magnification x 10, or if I was a scientist, m x 10.

What does m x 10 = ?   It equals Holy S __ __ __ !

I have a MOUSTACHE ? !

“Hello, Evelyn?  When can you see me?  No, no.  It isn’t growing back.  Now I have a bigger problem.  When can I come in?  Fantastic!  See you soon.”

I need a facial.

What was that plastic surgeon’s name Cathy told me about?

I wonder how long it will take to get in for lasers.

“Hello, is this the Facial Rejuvination Centre?  Ok, good. I need an appointment.  That’s too long.  Put me on your wait list.  I need fillers.  Fast.”

Lovely locks, Lovelylocks, oh, there it is.  Email, email address : LoveYourLocks@…    “Dear Reception, please book me in for a touch up. What is available?  Can I come tomorrow?  I could make later today.  Are you open late?  Please get back as soon as you read this.”

Where’s the Grey Goose …

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August

August, the climax of the year. Trees are lush and heavy. The fruit is ripe. A carefree laziness fills the hours. For a precious few weeks we forget what day it is. Every day is exquisitely the same. Nothing to do but complain about the heat.

But soon enough, that satisfying contentment is shattered by one dreaded sentence; someone you like quite well may utter it, or perhaps a stranger wandering close enough to be heard: “You can feel that nip in the air.”

There it is, in its naked starkness like a sumptuous August tree in January. We all know it but are too prudent to speak the obvious: the heat wave has ended.

Yes, August is passing us by and we are heading into fall. And then the second nail in summer’s coffin:  One leaf floats down, drifting from side to side, landing right there.

Today is hot, August still full of promise. I enjoy the luxury of my favourite month in delicious solitude, only every so often allowing in close family and trusted friends.

They know full well there is to be no unmentionable utterances as we bask in the blissful afternoon sun.

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It’s freezing in here.

Heritage buildings may not be known for their cozy interiors when it’s cold outside.

Sitting, working, freezing.

Those who shake my hand are freeze dried, frozen upright.

Odd that people I’ve known for years, who never cared to touch me in any way are reaching out, needing to make contact.

They chill. A subtle tremor is evident.

And they are thinking, I’ve known her all these years and I had no idea she was so Brrrrr cold.

It would probably go better if I shut the window.

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holidays

Cruises are big. I get it. Get on a boat. A new surprise every morning. Eat. Sleep. No effort required: Presto bingo bango. There you are in another place.

All that water though. Dark, deep, shifting; filled with strange things. Big, quick, small; alien things in an unknowable, uncontrollable, unpredictable viscous vastness.

Not my style. Ok, I have a phobia of deep, dark, vast water.

Half the fun is not getting there. Getting there is a necessary inconvenience which causes great dreading, crying and praying. Once on that silver coffin with wings getting there should be without delay – instantaneous, like science fiction:  here now then, whoa, there! How did that happen? With liquor, that’s how.

And then the delicious unpacking. Your whole holiday stretching out before you like a white sand beach. The daze fading into nights. Just the now. Until it’s over.

What is that in the harbour? A white, glistening ship just waiting for tourists to flock onboard.

No, not going to do it. Once again I choose the emptiness of space. After the engines cut out it will be a long way down. I hope I packed the Ativan.

MLB National playoffs

Last night when I put the game on I saw that terrorists had taken over the NY Mets playing field.

But, they are playing baseball after all. This might be ok.

Today though, in the 3rd game of the NLCS, I had to reconsider:  Has my judgement been sans souci? Indeed.

Under those semi baklavas are not enemies of the state but cold baseball players. Cold, because the temperature in New York is about 40 degrees F according to Ernie.

Baseball is going to continue through October. And, unless a team wins 4 straight in the World Serious, into November. Don’t get me wrong. I love baseball. But November?

I guess that’s like playing hockey in June.

No I do not want to look at your condo rental in Santa Monica

Not your baby cousin either.

“Mmm”

Not your begonia or any of its friends, the trifle you made, shoes exactly like our server has – I’m taking your word for it.

“Cheers!”

Yesterday’s sunset, your brother’s car, the full moon.

“It doesn’t do justice to it does it? It’s always bigger than the picture shows.”

I haven’t seen you in a while. Put down your device. Look at me. I’m talking to you.

“Did you finish the eagle sculpture you were working on?”

Ah, yes. There it is. Well, it is really grand.

“How is your mother?”

Of course, a picture is worth a thousand words.

“I’m taking my glasses off.”

I’m opening the case and dropping them in. There. And now, into the purse…

“It looks like a toxic dump. Oh, it’s the modern painting in your living room. Yes, I can kind of make that out, now that you mention it.” [squinting]

“No glasses…” [gesturing to eye area]

“Certainly. I have them.”

“No. Not going to. Talk to me.”

Yes, I’ve heard of YouTube.”

Check!

 

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Love This

Screenshot 2015-06-30 19.05.54

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