Address to a Haggis by Robert Burns

In Scottish

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o’ a grace
As lang’s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
‘Bethankit’ hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither’d rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He’ll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow’rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis

English translation

Your pin would help to mend a mill
In time of need,
While through your pores the dews distill
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour wipe,
And cut you up with ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like any ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm steaming, rich!

Then spoon for spoon, the stretch and strive:
Devil take the hindmost, on they drive,
Till all their well swollen bellies by-and-by
Are bent like drums;
Then old head of the table, most like to burst,
‘The grace!’ hums.

Is there that over his French ragout,
Or olio that would sicken a sow,
Or fricassee would make her vomit
With perfect disgust,
Looks down with sneering, scornful view
On such a dinner?

Poor devil! see him over his trash,
As feeble as a withered rush,
His thin legs a good whip-lash,
His fist a nut;
Through bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit.

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his ample fist a blade,
He’ll make it whistle;
And legs, and arms, and heads will cut off
Like the heads of thistles.

You powers, who make mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill of fare,
Old Scotland wants no watery stuff,
That splashes in small wooden dishes;
But if you wish her grateful prayer,
Give her [Scotland] a Haggis!

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Predicting the Future

Notice the message bottom of screen appearing when Patriots were on the 25 yard line, BEFORE they won the game with a touchdown.

20170206_092505

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American friends, …you crazy undecideds, It’s Decision Time

Hmmm

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton Final presidential debate on October 19,2016.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton Final presidential debate on October 19,2016.

debate1

debatejaws

I don’t like the look of that.

debatelurking

My prediction: Hillary Clinton by a landslide
but I’ve been wrong before

Alec Baldwin, Kate McKinnon, you’ve been wonderful.

debatesnl

Saturday Night Live

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Assume The Position

Equestrian:  (noun) a rider or performer on horseback [Oxford Dictionary]

The 2016 Rio Olympics Equestrian event:

OVER 200 HORSES WILL BE COMPETING IN 3 CLASSIFICATIONS:  DRESSAGE, JUMPING AND CROSS COUNTRY.

I’m sorry, what? I thought the Olympic Games are for humans. Horses want to compete in the Olympics?  They aren’t perfectly content galloping in the wild?

Wild –

horse1

 

Olympics –

Ian Millar on the back of Star Power

Ian Millar on the back of Star Power

Don’t you agree Star Power would be a lot happier without Ian Miller on his back, and without that bit in his mouth?

The bit:

one of the more gentle bits, the mullen

one of the more gentle bits, the mullen [Wikipedia]

how would you like someone pulling back on this in your mouth? -the wire snaffle

how would you like someone pulling back on this in your mouth? -the wire snaffle [Wikimedia Commons]

Bitted horses often open their mouths… to avoid contact pain. [Buckit List  Lahle Wolfe, November 28, 2013]

Olympics+Day+3+Equestrian+ub0FAwADfvgl

Hwang Woojin, South Korea, and his horse Shearwater Oscar, 2012 Olympics

2012 South Korean entry

 

“Equestrian:  The only Olympic sport in which men and women compete against each other on a level playing field.”   [Rio 2016 web site]

That is, horses’ backs.

Dressage (performing a routine by memory), jumping, and cross country [an “endurance” test “to prove the speed, endurance and jumping ability” Wikipedia] should go ahead with just the riders, poshed up in their riding boots, pants, jackets and hats.

As spectacular as this looks, imagine how much more pleasurable, challenging it will be without the horse:

Henrik Von Eckermann [the rider] in the 2012 Olympics

Henrik Von Eckermann [the rider] in the 2012 Olympics

Take the equus out of equestrian.

Henrik Von Eckermann, assume the position:

Arms outstretched;

Hands clenched as if holding reins;

Traversing the course in a galloping gait.

greenwich_2287387a

Wouldn’t you really rather see that red jacketed competitor assuming the position?

Chariot racing ended almost 2,000 years ago.

Friends, it’s 2016.

Riders (an archaic term used before animals were banned from Olympic competition):

Assume The Position

A hush falls through the crowd.

A pistol fires. And they’re off!

wild-horses-california

whisky

2016 June whisky

Every month The Scotch Malt Whisky Society holds at least one tasting event at Legacy Liquor Store, the only retail outlet in Vancouver selling The Society’s scotch. Society buyers ship it by the cask from Scotland, and bottle it in Vancouver.

As we take our places around a large wooden table with trays of appropriate finger foods spread about – figs, sausages, olives, dried fruit, cheeses, chocolate and nuts, the evening begins with our host enthusing about our great good fortune at being here tonight. This is followed by some chat about a very large distillery by the English border who sells all of their whisky to one city in China that we’ve never heard of.

Thus, it is especially important for us to fully comprehend the blessings we all share; that is, scotch whisky is still to be had in Scottish distilleries farther north, where they haven’t yet realized how much faster they could sell this liquid gold without any distribution bureaucracy by shipping it straight to Asia.

I don’t need any reminders about my good fortune. It was a miracle I got a ticket. After they are turned over to the riff raff online, there is a window of opportunity of 1.45 minutes, with no warning when it’s coming, to grab a spot.

And before that, before it’s gone, if I brought all $286 in my piggy bank in the hope of buying a bottle I would probably be out of luck because I don’t belong to the Society.

After inhaling a portion of the glass I’m ready for a wee taste. Yikes, that’s strong.  60% strong. I drop in a little water and taste again. Better.

The polite formality slowly slips under the table as we make our way through the offerings.

If you don’t drink scotch, or your whisky drinking involves ice and coke, you may have never considered that the dram you are drinking is a cousin of Genie in a Bottle. – from the Summer Picnic outturn:  “…a puff of flittering, well rounded, perfused smoke.” [emphasis theirs]

Or A Ballerina at the Barbecue:  “Our ballerina sits on damp decking tending to her weary toes with TCP antiseptic and lint bandage from an antiquated first aid box.”

ick

“A Bloody Mary revives her flagging spirit as she lights a fire pit to start cooking white fish wrapped in bacon and spritzed with lime juice.”

ok, it’s getting better

“She snacks on popcorn with sea salt and cracked black pepper and cucumber sandwiches from warm Tupperware.”

There’s the “Juicy, oak & vanilla” of Tantalizing Tannins, the “Sweet, fruity & mellow” Lay Your Head On My Pillow, or the “Deep, rich & dried fruits” of Summer’s Night In Lovers’ Lane:  “…butterflies of scent…The palate was equally multidimensional – Danish pastries and butter croissants, juicy grass and pipe tobacco, plus ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg spice. The reduced nose was just as inspiring…hot summer nights in Lovers’ Lane after rain (telegraph poles and honeysuckle).

Who makes this stuff up?

… oh, honeysuckle, yes, I’m getting that now.

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Dear Santa,

You’ve been good to me most years, except the ones when I was bad. Those were the years.

Anyhoo Santa, I’ve been pretty, mostly good.

This year please bring a very large home. It should have lots of hallways leading off in different directions. And sound proof bedrooms far away from one another. Also plumbing, lots of it. Rooms overflowing with devices hooked up to pipes.

This very large home should have fireplaces. And an oil stove in the kitchen. Yes, there I said it, oil.

I would like it to be on the water so I could hear waves at night. Qualicum Beach would be nice.

Qualicum Beach

Qualicum Beach

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MLB National playoffs

Last night when I put the game on I saw that terrorists had taken over the NY Mets playing field.

But, they are playing baseball after all. This might be ok.

Today though, in the 3rd game of the NLCS, I had to reconsider.

Under those semi baklavas are not enemies of the state but cold baseball players. Cold, because the temperature in New York is about 40 degrees F according to Ernie.

Baseball is going to continue through October. And, unless a team wins 4 straight in the World Serious, into November. Don’t get me wrong. I love baseball. But November?

I guess that’s like playing hockey in June.

Hibernation

hibernating bear

a hibernator (noun), hibernating (verb) – Bear

“(Of a person) remain inactive or indoors for an extended period
NOUN:  hibernator”*

*Oxford Dictionary

Some endotherms become sluggish in winter.  They move slowly or not at all, sleeping for long periods and awaken only when the need for sustenance demands it.

Such a rare event, to capture this starving creature stumbling from its enclave, roused, venturing into the cold, desolate terrain, eyes squinting in the low afternoon sun, muscles soft and weak.  What is that stirring in the distance?  Prey? Predator?  An SUV?

Joined now by others emerging from their dark refuse the unkempt laggards lumber into Waves Coffee.  The apparent leader orders a dark chocolate soy mocha with three shots, slurping it down as she moves on to forage for roll dip take out.

In short order, before the caffeine wears off, she shuffles into the pie shop

Aphrodite's for pie

Aphrodite’s where the pies are

before waddling back to her lair, unaware her frowzy clan has disassembled behind her; meandering along side streets and lanes as night falls.

The jarring clang of a crashing garbage can shatters the tranquil evening calm.

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Christmas lights

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